First off, apologies for my being absent for about a week or two or three. I hope all you half dozen or so people who read this drivel forgive me :) I left off with a very sarcastic review of Star Trek 3, The Search for Spock. I still hate that movie with a vengeance but I’m happy to be talking about something that is completely different! It’s a movie with a message, it’s a movie with PURPOSE! This movie rubs your face in all of your non-recycling paper towel using gas burning ways. Did you just throw something away? This movie says you suck for that. Lets back up for a second though before you think I’m getting all judgmental or anything.

The Klingons (again with these crazy bastards?) don’t like that the Genesis planet is a thing and despite the fact that it re-spawned our favorite character they are petitioning the galaxy UN to do something about it by punishing Captain Kirk, or something. Klingons are supposed to be angry aggressive people but this is becoming a Deus Ex Machina trope in my opinion. If they are so mad and so aggressive why would they participate in galactic politics? Klingons: warriors until we need to push a message to sell tickets.

The message with this film is environmentalism via don’t kill humpback whales. This seems like a relatively simple concept, don’t kill peaceful critters... win! Right? Well my faithful readers, there was a time when humans did this sort of thing, and honestly they are still doing it. Humans kill stuff, it’s what we do.

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Anyways none of that matters because a whale spaceship arrives at Earth and fucks everything up for our future grandparents. Kirk and Spock use their newly acquired klingon spaceship to magically go back in time, maybe you think this is convenient. I’d agree with you but it also works for this film.

Wait a minute, I said whale spaceship right? Yeah, there is a whale spaceship.

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Wait, I also said time travel happens! There are whale spaceships and Klingon diplomocy and Spock is totally whacked out... how does any of this make sense!? This movie is ridiculous and silly, just deal with it people.

The crew of the Enterprise who blew up the Enterprise and now occupy a Klingon ship that has traveled backwards in time in order to save humpback whales in San Francisco are now exposed to 1980's America. Chaos ensues.

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Re-spawned Spock punks a punk. This is actually kind of great.

Kirk gets a new love interest who thinks that Spock is some sort of ‘60's activist. Spock doesn’t get it obviously.

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That’s Catherine Hicks by the way, this seems to be the only movie I can think of her acting in. She does a goodish job in this one! Just kidding, she basically Shatner’s her way through this. Goddammit Bill, you set a bad example. Her character treats Kirk as being a crazy person as she should.

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Long story short, Scotty talks to a mouse like it’s a person-computer, invents transparent aluminum and they save the whales and return to the future. I like this movie, it’s fun, go watch it!